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Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior By Mark GoulstonPhilip Goldberg ( Perigee Trade )
Release Date: 1996-02-01
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List Price: $13.95
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Product Description
Procrastination...Envy...Anger...Self-pity...Compulsion....In any of its many forms, self-defeating behavior is the single most common reason that people seek psychotherapy. It is a poison that prevents people from achieving the love, success, and happiness they desire. Get Out of Your Own Way is an antidote, explaining the reasons for self-sabotage by going back to the childhood origins of various behaviors. With anecdotes and usable insights drawn from twenty years of psychiatric clinical practice, Dr. Mark Goulston shares ideas that have helped thousands of patients overcome pain, fear, and confusion-to approach life's challenges with dignity, wisdom, courage, and even humor.
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 helpful
i would def recommend this book, im not even done reading it but its defiantly helpful
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 My books of the month
My past months pick for best books are the two SKBF Publishing's best selling which was recommended by anther reader and I am glad I listened
Rumi & Self Psychology (Psychology of Tranquility)
Sara's Therapy: The Way to Purity (A session by session therapy for self growth)
Seat of the Soul
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What a great series! ( susan@bockorchestrations.com )
Definitely on my recommended book list. A must read for women in business.
Susan Bock
The Success Coach for Women in Business
www.SusanBockSolutions.com
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How to avoid or overcome self-defeating behavior ( mach1936 )
As I began to read this book, I recalled the core concepts in The Knowing-Doing Gap co-authored by Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton. Briefly, they assert that "so many managers know so much about organizational performance, say so many smart things about how to achieve performance, and work so hard, yet are trapped in firms that do so many things they know will undermine performance." Many (most?) people have a "gap" between knowing what to do and doing it, not only at work but in all other areas of their lives. How to close this gap? Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg believe that a self-defeating attitude results in self-defeating behavior...and I agree.
Goulston and Goldberg identify 40 different examples of self-defeating behavior and briefly discuss each, also including relevant quotations and a "Usable Insight" for each. I immediately identified with several (as will other readers) and, after reading "10 Things You Can Learn from Each" and then the Introduction: "How to Beat Self-Defeat," zeroed in on caught my eye. Here are five:
#6 Behavior: Getting So Angry When you Make Things Worse
Comment: I have far more patience with others' mistakes than I have with my own and really become upset when others are somehow victimized by what I have said or done, albeit unintentionally.
Usable Insight: "Anger makes you wild, but conviction makes you strong." Perhaps.
#16 Behavior: Trying to Change Others
Comment: Psychologists call this the "Rescue Fantasy." It can also be an indication of arrogance. Whatever the explanation, I hate to give up on anyone and become very upset with those who give up on themselves.
Usable Insight: "Don't try to change people; accept them as they are and hope they'll change." Easier said than done, especially with loved ones.
#18 Behavior: Talking When Nobody's Listening
Comment: I wish I had a $10 bill for every time I totally lost the attention of someone in a conversation without realizing it and and continued to babble on.
Usable Insight: "When people stop listening, stop talking."
#25 Behavior: Refusing to "Play Games"
Comment: Although I realize that playing several "games is inevitable (e.g. pretending to enjoy encountering someone in a social situation that you dislike intensely), and that each has its own "rules," I much prefer candor.
Usable Insight: "The best defense against game-playing is to play the game well." OK but only so long as, when doing so, others are not deceived...or their trust betrayed.
#31 Behavior: Holding It All In
Comment: This is a first cousin of #19. Too often, I am reluctant to express either positive or negative emotions in an effort to seem under control in charge, and (yes) vulnerable. When described as a "tough read," I accept that as a compliment.
Usable Insight: "Having the horror heard helps to heal the heart." That's certainly alliterative but, in my opinion, ignores the perils of increasing compression that exacerbates pressures that are already building up.
Goulston and Goldberg offer an abundance of sound advice. It remains for each reader to determine which of the self-defeating behaviors are most relevant to her or him, then make whatever behavior adjustments may be necessary. The authors suggest that the book be read straight through. I chose to take a different approach. Either way is fine. It is imperative to read "10 Things You Can Learn from Each" and then the Introduction: "How to Beat Self-Defeat" first. The extent to which a reader is receptive to improvement of mindset and behavior will determine whether reading this book is a journey of meaningful self-discovery or an extended exercise in self-delusion. Reader's choice.
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 Identify behavior errors
This book lists several behavior flaws and offers suggestions to overcome them. The suggestions are vague and do not provide a true process to follow. Basically the book helps you identify the flaws and tells you what would be better behavior. Now go do it........
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